I have been blinded by sin by my own pride. That is the simple truth and the moral of this post. But that is not the end.
I am still dealing with the after math of the desert of denial. I only knew how to love Him, the Lord, when there was pain drawing me to Him. After growing closer to the Lord through that I discover that I did love the lord and that I could love him because I wanted to not because it was my only option. In that I refused to get to another spiritually low point and fought hard to stay afloat, trusting and loving Him for who he was because I wanted to. Even when pain wasn’t present
I did not want to reach a low and be forced I wanted to love Him because of who he is and all he has done for me. With this mindset I was refusing to be willing to humble myself before the lord. Sin, because I thought I was strong enough to maintain a high. I stood in the way. I have been learning that the only way to always look to God, even in the good times (which is what I struggle with the most), is to do so with humility and constant recognition of the weight of my sin which leads to a constant desperation for Christ because I see how insufficient I am.
It is all too easy to ignore our sin and believe that it is not there. While in fact we are being blinded by exactly that. Likewise, it is easy to forget our need, desperation, for God when we do not see our own sin. The only way to truly be desperate for God is running to Him because He is the only logical one to run to.
So often we find substitutes in our faith. For me that was believing that to maintain spiritual well being I couldn’t be brought low. But I failed to remember that the low points are the times when God can be given the most glory. Making my pride an idol was not a solution but a “temporary fix” a lie I was believing.
We are called to desperation for the Lord. We see this every day in our own lives when we try to fill in the void with idols. Idolatry is putting things before God and this can even be using God to get something for yourself. They are not God himself and therefor will not suffice.
I challenge you to ask the Lord what the idols in your life are and for the Holy Spirit to fill you and act in your heart.
Now I’m blinded by his awesome glory and redemption and I have been learning how powerful it is to be aware of a problem and be truly discontent with circumstances, and relying on the Lord to get though and change my heart in the process.
It’s beautiful to see how the most unseemly profound things can set a spark in your soul. I was watching the series “Isabel“, about the Spanish kingdom in the 1400’s, and the royalty were devout Catholics. Seeing how passionate about the furtherance of Christianity was inspiring and conviction because so often we are, or at least I am, 100% complacent about my circumstances and the circumstances of this world. I also noticed the brokenness and sinful nature of humanity to a greater extent than ever before.
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
With Our Savior at our center everything is captive to Him.
Light a fire in my soul let it flame and let it grow I want more of you God.
Let this be your prayer so that your heart may become more like His, pushing the effects of sin out more and more day by day, as a result of being blinded by the light of His glorious love.